Inspire Emotion: Joe - An Original Short Story

She flopped down on her bed, resignation in her movement. She was tired of being alone. Not that being alone is a bad thing, but it had been a very long time. In fact, the longest period in her life of not having a man around. She was wondering if she should attempt to do something about it. But even the thought made her cringe.

While sex was still easy to accomplish, she was wondering about the possibility that no one would want her for an actual relationship at her "advanced age". Then too, there was the possibility of being hurt, a thing that she didn't think she could tolerate at this point in her life.

She had been so used to being pursued by men, of being able to choose whomever she wanted, that now, it was very difficult for her to feel so much less in control.

Turning over, she sighed. She was remembering so many things lately............

He strode up to her at the bar; tall, tan, beautiful curly black hair and chiseled features-------gorgeous, as in Greek God gorgeous. She was twenty-three, and still very naive.

She glanced down, suddenly a little shy, wondering what his angle would be. He signaled to the bartender for a beer, and settled on the seat next to hers. He looked away, waving at someone across the room, and then laughed. She forgot him for a moment, as she spied a friend walking through the maze of tables and people.

She cupped her hands and called out to him, wishing for company. He walked over to her, kissed her on her cheek , and told her that he was meeting a date. His "new man" was due to arrive any second. She laughed, and told him that it was a damn shame that all the good men were taken.

The Greek God guy leaned over and introduced himself, holding his hand out to shake hers--a very unusual gesture for a man on the prowl, in her experience. She tentatively held her hand out, smiled, and was taken with his strong, friendly grip. God, he was beautiful. The perfect man, and charming as well as seemingly unaware of his own appearance.

They chatted about the weather, their favorite beaches, and a little about his background. Another drink, and she was feeling very good. He asked her to dance, a slow dance, and they moved towards the dance floor together, his hand on the small of her back. On the dance floor, they melted in to one another, moving in unison, crushed together by the press of the crowd.......

Damn it! She felt her leg cramp up, and jumped up from the bed, her reverie broken in an attempt to stop the cramping. Hopping around, she finally achieved her aim, and hesitant to risk another cramp so soon, she went downstairs to make a cup of coffee.

Coffee. On New Year's Eve, night of couples only, or at the least, families. Her family was scattered. Her mother had died a few years earlier, and she was now the only woman in a family of single men. Men who all had either an SO or a GF with whom to spend NY Eve.

As she waited for the coffee to brew, she wandered in to the dining room, and sat down on the window seat. The cat startled her when she jumped up in to her lap, intruding on her memories of another night.......

Joe offered to drive her home, and she accepted his offer, not unusual back then. They arrived at her apartment, and he walked her to the door, neither of them speaking. She unlocked the door, and as she turned to face him, they fell in to one another, stumbling through the door in their embrace. She led him to the bedroom, lit a candle, and slowly began to undress as he watched.

She was very beautiful, and knowing this, she was grateful. It was simply a matter of genes, and she had been very lucky.

He watched her, his body still and tense, and when she leaned down to remove her stockings, he stayed her hand, wishing to take over the task. Her breasts glistened in the glow of the candlelight, and she could see the heat in his eyes as she touched his cheek, and whispered to him to take her.

He lifted her in his arms, and moved to the side of the bed. She wasn't sure if he laid her down on the bed, or if they both just fell on it, but the end result was the same. The heat in her was enormous, and he made love to her with strength and gentleness in perfect synchronicity.

Carrying her cup of coffee upstairs, she stripped her jeans and sweater off, and walked to the mirror. As she stood there, she was looking for the changes in her body from that of her youth, and was relieved when she saw a still beautiful woman.

She could see the differences in her face, but they weren't that great, and she didn't really mind.....it was, after all, a part of life for everyone. Her body was much the same as it had been when she was in her twenties (primarily due to her rigid adherence to the exercise that she had always despised), and overall, she felt that she still looked pretty damn good.

She laughed at her own insecurity, and slipped in to a pair of pajamas, having decided to go to bed early and sleep NY Eve away.

When she woke up, he was touching her face with gentle fingers. She gazed at him, sleepy still, and arched towards him. They made love again, more leisurely this time, laughing when they almost rolled off the bed.

She moved on top of him, her long blonde hair streaming out around her, and as she sat astride him, she wondered why her feelings were so intense. She lost herself in kissing him, and gave herself to him as completely as anyone could. They fell asleep again in each other's arms.

When they next awakened, Joe told her that he would be hers alone, forever. He told her that it was love, and that they were meant to be together, that they would belong to each other.

She didn't understand how she could so easily fall in love, but she felt that they were almost one person. She was very trusting, and very naive at twenty-three.

The next day, New Year's day, she was working a graphic on her computer, and she decided to look him up.

They had not spoken to each other in 20 years, and she had a strong urge to know that he was okay. She had left him years ago, and still very much in love with her, he had put some distance between them by moving to LA, and a world of drugs and rock and escape.

When he returned a few years later, he came to find her, attempting to win her back, but she couldn't let herself trust him, and the possibility that he would fall back in to old habits.

But.........she still felt something for him. She typed his name in to the search bar and hit enter.....

Two days before her wedding, she was at her parents home, busy with the final preparations for the wedding. It was to be outdoors, a garden setting, and attended by family and friends. Her mother brought her a cup of tea, and she gratefully accepted it, taking it in to the library. Sitting there, lost in thought, she heard the phone ring in the distance. Her father answered, and she heard his voice rise. She stood up, her intuition telling her that something was wrong, and then began to walk to her father's office where he was on the phone with someone.

"Leave her alone, damn it! She's happy now, and she's getting married." her father's voice fairly teemed with annoyance. "The wedding is in two days. You are not invited." Almost yelling, her father crossed the room to her, and slung his arm around her shoulder. "Don't call her again." With that, her father slammed down the phone, and hugged her.

"It was Joe", he said, in response to the question written all over her face. She was stunned, and tears shimmered in her eyes. It had only been a couple of years since they had gone their separate ways. She knew then that she still loved him.........

She saw his name on the Google page, and felt a sense of trepidation. He was very likely now married, possibly with children. [She wondered if he ever thought of their child that she had miscarried. She did. All the time.]

She could see that he was still in the music business; that was pretty clear from the search entries. She decided to call him, just to say "hello, how are you, have a nice life", and let the chips fall where they might. She googled the white pages for his number, and picked up the phone....

Her wedding was beautiful. The makeup artist had managed to cover up the dark circles under her eyes, and the wedding had gone off without a single major problem. As she and Trevor left for their honeymoon, she was happy, and had stopped thinking about the call from Joe. She wanted nothing more than to make this union a great marriage, one which she hoped would include at least two or three children.

She stepped in to the limo, and turning to Trevor, told him she loved him, laughing at her own excitement in starting their new life together. That night, she only thought of Joe once, in her dreams...........

Three years earlier......

The wind was strong that day, and she couldn't stop shivering. Joe walked up behind her and enveloped her in his embrace, transmitting his warmth to her body. She turned in his arms, and kissed him, deeply, with the passion of a woman who is totally, completely, in love.

The deck was tilting slightly, and she felt a bit queasy. She leaned in to Joe, and told him she wished to go home. He looked at her a little oddly, and taking a deep breath, she told him that she was carrying his child. She was exactly eleven weeks pregnant, and had been hesitant to discuss it with him, not even sure how she felt about it.

Joe stood there, wonder, trepidation, and love in his eyes, and all fighting to win. He tentatively reached out a hand and placed it on her stomach, trying to imagine the baby growing inside. His baby, and hers. The culmination of a great love.

He laughed out loud, and picked her up to carry her inside the cabin. She melted when he laid her on the bed, and tearing his shirt off, she begged him to fuck her. Now. And as they made love, her mind was filled with only him. How much she loved him.......and how eerie the fear felt, even as they made love.

Later that night, the pain awakened her. She stumbled from the bed, clutching her stomach, and made it in to the bathroom, where she collapsed. Joe found her a few minutes later, crying as though she were broken, and the blood everywhere.

He carried her to the bed, and staunched the blood flow with towels, and then radioed ahead to have an ambulance waiting. He cried as the boat flew towards the shore, cursing himself for not taking her home the previous evening.

She dialed his number, and was greeted by his voice on the answering service. She listened for a moment, breathing in the sound.....it had been so very long. A little nervous, she left no message, but rather, decided to call back the following day. She quickly shut down her computer before getting ready to go out for the evening.

At dinner with her brother, they discussed many things, but she did manage to refrain from mentioning Joe even once; in truth, he was all she thought about. Tomorrow could not arrive soon enough.

Driving home after dinner, she thought about all the years that she had been without Joe. Two marriages, and one child later, she still could not get him out of her head.

Opening the window to clear her mind, she turned on the music, and was singing along with Deborah Harry when she pulled in to the driveway.

Throwing her handbag on to a chair, she kicked her heels off, and walked over to the phone to check her messages.

Two messages. One from her gyno's office, reminding her to keep her appointment on Monday, and another from Joe.

She took a deep breath and backed away from the phone. He must have hit *69 in order to get the last number calling him. He was polite, and wondering who the person was, or if, perhaps, they had simply dialed the wrong number.

The cat was rubbing up against her leg, and she grabbed her, and went over to the couch to consider whether she really wished to call him back. She was very afraid that either he was "taken", or that they would no longer have anything to say to each other. God, she could procrastinate forever.....had always been exceptionally good at that.

That had been part of the problem with Joe.....

Joe had changed after her miscarriage. He began drinking more, and staying out until the early hours of the morning. She also thought that he might be in to drugs, although she couldn't be sure. Still, she said nothing.

When he was away at a gig, she sometimes heard the voices of women in the background, when he called her from his room. She never asked him about those voices. She knew he felt guilty about what had happened to her, and she was hoping that he would work his way through it......even if it was killing her.

Still, she cried herself to sleep many nights, missing the way it used to be, and wondering whose bed he was in. She didn't think that she could take much more.....the pain was consuming her life.

Finally, it all came to a head. One evening, a friend called her, and told her where Joe was on that particular night. She could no longer ignore it, no longer pretend that everything would be the way it used to be.

She waited for him to come home, and when he walked in, she pointed to the suitcases she had packed for him, and told him to get out. He begged her to reconsider, promising her the moon, the stars, and fidelity, but she was adamant. She wanted him gone. Now. No more lies, no more excuses, she was through with him.

He finally left, and she, feeling as cold as ice, virtually cut out her own heart.

The naivete of twenty-three was gone.

She decided to make a decision tomorrow. Scarlett O'Hara had nothing on her. Turning off the lights, she went upstairs and was soon asleep.

The next day

She jumped up from her desk, dancing around her studio, laughing out loud, and happier than she had been in a very long while. Glancing at her watch, she went upstairs and began pulling clothes and shoes from her closet, wanting to look good, but not as though she were trying too hard. He was taking a redeye tonight from LA, and she was to pick him up at the airport. She was so excited she could barely breathe, and she stopped for a moment to take a few deep breaths. He had never married, and he had been so warm on the phone.........there was both regret and joy in his voice.

She finally decided on a black wool pencil skirt, a white ruffled blouse with a low neckline, a black lambskin leather blazer, and a pair of square-toed black leather pumps. Leather and lace....his favorite look.

That night, she tossed and turned restlessly, dreaming of Joe, and all those years ago

In the morning, she rushed to get ready and left for the airport with minutes to spare, juggling a cup of coffee, her cell, handbag, and laptop, which she had decided to take in case she had to wait. She flipped to the weather as soon as she got on the freeway, wondering if the flight would be delayed by the wintery weather that day. There was a winter storm warning in effect, and it was windy and blowing snow, with the effect seemingly intensified on the freeway. She didn't care---- she was warm and happy.

She turned the cd player on, and sang along with Faith Hill, Shania Twain, and Deborah Harry, stopping only for the occasional sip of coffee. She noticed that the weather was getting worse, and she was having some difficulty seeing even a few feet in front of her car. She decided that she would pull off at the next exit, and try to wait it out. She could always text him to let him know that she'd be late.

She saw the exit up ahead, and began to slow down, turning her blinker on, and sliding a little until the anti-locks clicked in. She smiled as she thought of his probable impatience in waiting for her, and glanced in her rear view mirror to make sure she had room to move over. She never saw the semi .

The day of the funeral was bright and cold, a day she would not have enjoyed. Her son, her brothers, and her father gave the eulogy. At the cemetery, a man was waiting when the funeral procession arrived. Joe watched with tears rolling down his face as she was buried next to her mother, and then he silently walked away.

He had, however, learned something valuable from this. He knew tthat he had a spent much of his lifetime thinking that tommorrow would always be there, that he had plenty of time to do the things that were important to him. He finally understood, and as he walked away, he thought he heard her whisper to him, and he knew then that he would always regret what might have been.

Sometimes there just is no happy ending.