Notes to Myself: My Mother's Death

 When my Mother died in late July of 2004, my world changed drastically, as I suppose is inevitable, but still unwelcome.

My marriage, already on the rocks, deteriorated to the point of separation not too long after her death. His behavior during her illness, and subsequent death, simply put the nail in a relationship that should never have been. 

My reaction started out slowly, and as time went on, grew in to this thing, this monster, that seemed to be swallowing me little by little. Never a person who had many female friends, at the time of her death, she was the only woman in my life to whom I was close. 

She was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in December of 2003, in spite of the fact that she had never been a heavy smoker, and had completely stopped smoking thirteen years prior to this diagnosis.