despair

14 December 2008

Remembering Jimmy

re-jimmy Shortly before the Christmas when I was twenty, one of my best friends died at the age of twenty-four.

Jimmy was the kind of man liked by everyone who knew him. He was a man's man in that he loved sports (he had been a quarterback at a big 10 school), and women loved him because he was not only super attractive, he was unbelievably sweet.

Growing up, Jimmy was the son of a well-known lawyer and a mother who had serious, ongoing problems with depression. When he was ten years old, he found his mother hanging in his grandfather's studio. She left behind a long letter about her religious views, a letter that made her sound completely crazy. Jimmy was of course, compelled to read it.

Continue reading "Remembering Jimmy" »

29 September 2008

A Minor Rant and Why Some of You Deserve John McCain

A while back, I think it was before the primaries ended, I saw some comments by Republicans on a friend's blog. They were moaning about how sorry they were that they voted for George Bush twice. How dumb do you have to be to have voted for him TWICE?? big eyes  Now, I don't know for sure, but I would lay odds that those same individuals are going to vote for McCain this time around.  Why? Because many conservatives never seem to freakin' learnsmiley

McCain IS McBush, but try to tell many conservatives that, and they will call you stupid, crazy, deluded, ignorant. Oh yeah. Can you say extremely DENSE? roll eyes

And, even after all that's occurred recently, including the financial crisis which can be pinned on the Republicans who enacted deregulation, and the Bush Admin who cares not how they spend taxpayer money. , I still hear many conservatives reciting the same old crap by rote. It is discouraging. raining umbrella

And then there is John McCain's choice of Sarah Palin, the singularly most unqualified running mate chosen for high office EVER. The woman can barely think, for God's sake. clueless sign[UPDATE: Many conservatives are now jumping on the "Palin is an imbecile" bandwagon, to wit:

MSNBC's Joe Scarborough says Palin 'just seems out of her league.' National Review Editor Rich Lowry called her performance 'dreadful.' Dallas Morning News columnist Rod Dreher described the interview as a 'train wreck.' Conservative columnist Kathleen Parker urged Palin to quit the race, saying: 'If BS were currency, Palin could bail out Wall Street herself.'"  Source]

Okay. Fine. If the American people elect John McCain, they deserve what they are going to get, which is four more years of MCSAME. His economic policies, his policies on the war in Iraq are the SAME. His policy on health care will cause you to pay higher taxes within a few years. His tax policy is more of the same.........he will still give the breaks to the wealthiest.    
What the hell is WRONG with you people? Do you not pay attention?beat a dead horse

Anyway, I am done talking to conservatives about politics. Except for Dan and Jessie. Most of them make no sense to me. And, if you wanna hate me for this post, feel free. Like I care when I am too scared about the future of this country, and if it even has a future. Really.

Finally, if John McSame is elected, we had better all hope and pray to whatever deities we prefer, that he does not die during his first term in office. And that includes all of you conservatives. sunglasses

28 July 2008

A Lack of Inspiration

kmitu060900062 I'm having a bit of trouble writing an ending (that doesn't totally suck) to my short story, "Joe". 

The truth is that I am feeling so sad right now cause over the past two years my life has been turned upside down by some of the things that have happened to myself and my family. 

I have seriously struggled with retaining both my sanity, and my humanity due to the nature of the events....

Now, I find that I am experiencing that thing termed "writer's block". Mainly cause I just want to get all my grief out in my writing, but I know that it isn't the right thing for me to do. 

Still, it is difficult for me to focus on writing other things. Looking for inspiration, not just to write, but to move forward.. 

So please tell me, what inspires you to keep going when things are bad in your life?

peace and love, inspire emotion

 

Copyright © by Inspire Emotion 2008. All rights are reserved. No re-posting of articles without prior written permission is allowed.

23 July 2008

Notes to Myself: My Mother's Death

025_22A.cropJPG  When my Mother died in late July of 2004, my world changed drastically, as I suppose is inevitable, but still unwelcome.

My marriage, already on the rocks, deteriorated to the point of separation not too long after her death. His behavior during her illness, and subsequent death, simply put the nail in a relationship that should never have been. 

My reaction started out slowly, and as time went on, grew in to this thing, this monster, that seemed to be swallowing me little by little. Never a person who had many female friends, at the time of her death, she was the only woman in my life to whom I was close. 

She was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in December of 2003, in spite of the fact that she had never been a heavy smoker, and had completely stopped smoking thirteen years prior to this diagnosis. 

Continue reading "Notes to Myself: My Mother's Death" »

20 July 2008

Trolls and Psycho Stalkers

On Friday, one of Entrecard's more/very aggressive bloggers struck at myself with her not so sheathed claws. While she was correct in at least one aspect of her post, I would so love to see her move out from behind her anonymity and behave as she does when she is behind it. 

As things often do, the situation has gone south, and now I find myself having to make a post that I really did not care to make. However, I will not lower myself to her/their standards and make an attempt to destroy her blogging rep.

For the past two years I have been gangstalked online by a group of people led by another woman, Anita V. Hughes, a Safeway employee in Peoria, Arizona. A woman who grew jealous of the attention that I was receiving in a forum to which we both belonged, and began undermining me with others in the forum. Yeah, I know, ridiculous, and unfortunately, completely verifiable. 

The owners of the forum asked her to stop attacking me. She refused. She told them that she couldn't stop. They banned her. Her little gang of compadres became angry at this, and they all began a quest for revenge. They were then all banned. 

They attacked and impersonated me across the net.

I began fighting back seriously in May of 2007, when I created a blog. Why go to these lengths? Because they were creating accounts on venues such as del.icio.us in my legal name and that of the forum owner who banned them, and using those accounts (there were at least 11-12 accounts, and she is now back on del.icio.us, once again using it to extract revenge for being ignored) to libel and stalk myself and others. The link below will take you to a forum thread where I posted after  someone else had first discovered the use of my real name, and had found more of the accounts she had created. 

http://community.tuliptools.com/index.php/topic,14697.0.html

I did not, at that time, know the half of it, but what I did know was pretty upsetting. She was also, around the same time, banned by eBay for impersonating and stalking one of the businesses of the aforementioned forum owner.  She did many other things over the course of the past two years, including driving me to the verge of suicide, which is her intent.

I began ignoring the stalking cretins in January, finally realizing that there is nothing that will embarrass psychos(and that was my intent in writing the blog---to embarrass them in to stopping), and that they would never really stop. My last post on that blog is dated in January, 2008. 

Meanwhile, in March, I hadn't heard anything from any of them. I decided to write again, and created several new blogs where I thought that I could be myself, and hide in them, free from their harassment. 

Not so. They wish me dead. Yes, they have said so. And, honestly, I am not too sure that I can take any more. They have destroyed my life, attacked my family viciously, including my teenage son and my 79-year-old Father. I have begged them to stop. They refuse. Why? They are insane, and they are anonymous online.As to the troll who published the post on Friday, using information given to her by the psycho who anonymously contacted her with more of her half-truths and lies, she is just the foolish tool of the psycho.  Used, as the psycho has done with so many others. 

And the cycle continues. And this time,  Lee Doyle is in the thick of it, as Entrecard's pet has stumbled in to psycho-land and is too stupid to see it as such, he has joined the psycho stalkers in maligning me, and further decimating my life while knowing nothing of the truth.

 UPDATE: Re Modern Glam e-cards

Copyright © by Inspire Emotion 2008. All rights are reserved. No re-posting of articles without prior written permission is allowed.

04 July 2008

What the hell .....

Mebw_2 "Broken" (partial)

The Broken clock is a comfort
It helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow
From stealing all my time
And I am here still waiting
Though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best
Like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on (I'm  holdin on)(I'm holdin on)
I'm barely holding on to you

The broken locks were a warning
You got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded
I'm an open book instead
And I still see your reflection
Inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose
They're still looking for life

Broken by Lifehouse

Inspire Note: Never mind me; I'm just falling apart.

Shatteredglass

 

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    An eclectic, personal collection of quotations intended to encourage you to smile or think, poems, love letters, original short stories, and notes to myself, along with a healthy dose of political opinion.

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